Talking about your deeply held spiritual beliefs with someone is like walking into a room with the other person sitting in the middle and surrounded by eggshells. Some people have a small circle of eggshells around them. They can brush off things they don’t agree without any harm. However, some people have the whole room filled with eggshells so there is barely any space to tiptoe closer. And the eggshells are nearly always invisible.
We never know the breadth and depth of someone else’s pain. We don’t know their history, especially their history around religion and spirituality. Many of the phrases used to explain the unexplainable and comfort the bereaved can have an ugly counterpoint to the intended sentiment, especially if stated in a way that implies the statement is true for all people, all of the time.
The sentiments behind these phrases I hate can be true. Growth can come through any difficult situation. People can find something for which to be grateful – a blessing - even in the midst of devastating events. Spirituality can be deepened as you navigate hard things. But that’s not how it works for everyone. When someone is in the midst of deep pain, saying something the person vehemently disagrees with (“God won’t give you more than you can handle”) can be like pouring salt on an open wound.
Hold lightly your pronouncements about the nature of God and the nature of suffering. After all, there is always more we don’t know than what we do.
About everything.
Joni Miller is a writer, researcher, coach, and speaker who uses her knowledge, education, and love of all things spiritual to help others find their unique spiritual path. https://www.SpiritualGeography.net
For more on words, try this post: Ep 4: Defining God
Ep 14 "God Saved Me for a Reason" (and other phrases I hate)