What kind of courage and conviction does it take to come out as gay when that revelation could mean blowing up your whole life? In most parts of conservative or evangelical Christianity this disclosure could - and often does - lead to rejection by family, friends, and the church community.
The repercussion of this rejection is often a pervasive feeling that the person isn’t worthy of love. Isn’t worthy of God’s love. Statistics show that LGBTQ young people are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers, and statistics for those who experience parental rejection for their sexual or gender identity are even higher.
This is a spirituality that harms.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin
I have two questions when looking at someone’s spirituality: Are their spiritual beliefs life-giving to them and do their spiritual beliefs hurt them or anyone else? If their spirituality is life-giving and doesn’t hurt them or anyone else, who am I to judge? And yet, I am judging now, judging because the answer to that second question is “Yes, these kinds of spiritual beliefs often hurt other people.” They hurt by contributing to psychological trauma, possibly leading to incidents of self-harm and sometimes suicide.
The paradox is that those who promote religious stances against LGBTQ persons usually believe they are helping the person by keeping them out of an afterlife in hell.
I don’t believe in eternal reward or punishment. I believe there is something beyond our understanding and earthly experience, whether someone calls that something God, the Universe, Spirit or something else. And I believe this something beyond our earthly experience has a core attribute of Love. I don’t know if I’m right or not, but I do know that my spiritual understanding does not cause psychological harm to others.
I want to create a world with more love, acceptance, and understanding, a world where people connect more deeply with the Divine in whatever way resonates with them. Am I right in my understanding? I don’t know, but you can’t know with absolute certainty that you’re right, either.
Do no harm.
Joni Miller is a writer, researcher, coach, and speaker who uses her knowledge, education, and love of all things spiritual to help others find their unique spiritual path. www.SpiritualGeography.net
Ep 18: When Spirituality Harms, Part 1